After being awake for about an hour and a half, I'd already begun studying, made a pot of hazelnut coffee (it is better at 4:30 am than at any other time, I swear) and I'd done a little searching on verses about Grace.
Let me backtrack.
For the past week, I've had this uncontrollable emotion overflowing through me. I'm unable to control myself when I want to cry and have frequently felt overwhelmed to the point where I'd like to throw my hands in the air and wave my white flag. With the stress of finals, my recent engagement and the end of another short year, it's safe to say I've been questioning my own sanity. I've been having issues accepting the fact that some people just aren't meant to be in my life and attempting to push myself back toward the having a relationship with someone I'm furious with. I'll spare you all the gritty details, because neither situation is pretty.
Finally, I've got serious financial decisions looming over my head and just the thought of attempting to buy Christmas gifts--well, that's just out of the question. Crappy feelings have overtaken my fresh bride-to-be perspective on life and I'd really like to continue to enjoy that, but it seems these other issues need tending to.
I'd blame it on the weather, or hormones, or the fact that I've had a decent amount of stress overtake my life for the past 7 days.
Or I could face up to what's really been going on and admit to myself I'd been missing something.
It's always so hard to realize that God is for you, isn't it?
A subtle conscious knowing, a humble notion, a tiny stirring in your heart that indicates you know God is for you, and that He'll never work against you. But you blame Him anyway, because that's easier. You take the burden for yourself, because you forget that giving it to God is difficult yet ever-effective.
Instead, we say "no, God isn't for me this week- He's tempting me, fighting me, pushing the world against me", and sometimes go as far to say "God hates me".
You've said it, I've said it- and in such a cynical, selfish manner. Jokingly. When we say "God hates me this week" as a joke, what we're really saying is something completely different.
When we say God is against us in any context, whether there's even a slight hint of questioning or seriousness, what we're saying is that we can't give our problems and our issues up. We hold tight to the bad day, the angry phone call, the stress of the exam. Feeling this way is a comfort blanket that we hide underneath. We won't let anyone in and surely, nothing gets out.
But here's the thing: we have to let it go. I have to get rid of my self-pity and agonizing thoughts, because they're wasting my energy and valuable time. And I have to stop saying God is against me because I can't take my grubby grip off the angry conversation, or the failed exam, or the financial burden.
Because God is never against you. God is always for you.
The other day I read one simple statement that changed the way I thought the whole day:
You were God's idea.
You were not your mother and father's idea. Not a meaningless creature created to find your personality somewhere along the way; God had a plan from the start. He saw you, created you, held you in His hand before He put you here on earth. And you were God's idea long before you were a glimmer in anyone's mind.
You're not supposed to feel as though you're being burdened, or that you're struggling for something be it big or small.
God is providing you with Grace, with Truth, with Mercy, with ABILITY right now!
God is always for you. Let it go, dude! Whatever is happening now is part of the cause-and-effect that is your life plan. You can choose to let it sink into your skin or you can choose to give it up. Truly give it up-- don't just say you've given it up to worry about it later. Make a choice to lay your problems upon God's shoulders so He may carry your burden for you. Jesus carried the cross so we wouldn't have to carry our burdens.
What are you going to give up today?
This is very true. Try not to stress too much girl, because whats meant to be will be will all work out the way it was meant to.
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